Whoever said the word "impossible" has not met me. Despite being given very low odds at achieving a pregnancy, and despite the intense stress that I have been under for the past few months, I am now 6 weeks pregnant. But it appears that this pregnancy too is going to be eventful :(
I've been having a lot of intestinal bleeding, with sharp shredding type pains throughout my abdomen, with sharper pains on my right pelvic area. After I passed out Monday morning, Brian took me to the ER, which is a story in itself, where I didn't get seen by a doctor. Apparently, people who have sprained ankles and the common cold are more vital to be seen than people who have a high-risk pregnancy. We spent from 3pm until we left at 8:30 waiting to be seen by a doctor. I finally had enough and went to the nursing station, only to be told that it would likely be at least another 8 hours before I would even be seen. You can't expect a pregnant person to not eat, it just doesn't work out well, so we left.
I managed to get an emergency appointment with the fertility specialist yesterday who was quite worried that it might be an ectopic pregnancy. He managed to get me an emergency ultrasound done right away to rule this out. Just as a sidenote, it's cruel and unusual punishment to expect someone to provide a urine sample and then expect them to get a full bladder right away so that they can have the ultrasound.
In any case, it's not an ectopic pregnancy. Everything is right where it should be and I am 6 weeks along. However, it's not without a minor complication. It wouldn't be me unless I had something odd going on! It turns out that the pain is being caused by a 4cm x 5cm hemorrhagic cyst on the right ovary. For those that don't know, this is a blood filled cyst, quite a large one at that. To me, it almost sounds like an endometrioma. It's leaking somewhat, so it might burst anytime, but from the sounds of it, it won't threaten the pregnancy, only my pain levels.
For now, I'm on the frequent flier plan at the doc's office, I go back in two weeks. It looks like it's going to be a long 34 weeks!
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3 comments:
*hugs* My thoughts are with you!
Melissa,
Yay! It's finally public. I have been bursting with excitement for you since I knew your news before you posted it here. I'm so happy I can finally congratulate you publicly!
While I am also familiar from our offline discussions with your ER nightmare and while I'm sorry about the cyst, I'm very relieved that you don't have an ectopic pregnancy as you feared might be the case!
I am so very happy for you!
I know your life is incredibly stressful right now. Just make use of those great coping skills you have (i.e. meditation comes to mind). Your body is under the stress of pregnancy, the stress of endometrial cancer, and the stress of various forms of chronic pain. It needs all the help you can give it to de-stress...
I know the nausea is bad now too. So try to get as much rest as you possibly can. Take advantage of the time off from work while you can.
Remember all of the self-care tricks you know so well and put them to use.
I'm sending positive thoughts and energy your way. If you ever need a listening ear, you know where to find me. :)
Congratulations!!
Jeanne
Thanks Sonja and Jeanne! It feels like this one was a long time in the coming, but in comparison, it was nothing like waiting for 3.5 years to conceive Jacob. I feel a lot of guilt for those those who haven't or will never be able to conceive their first biological child, or to fulfill their dreams for however many children it included. In some cases it hits me as a feeling of "You traitor, you don't even belong amongst us", but mostly it's just this feeling of "if only I could be of some help to these people struggling".
Yes, I've survived many losses to get to this point, moreso than should be humanly possible. Words can't describe the feeling of all of a sudden being told that there is no heartbeat in your 6 month-old fetus. It reminds us that what we have or don't have can all change in the blink of an eye. There is little permanency in this life of ours which is another good reason to focus on the current moment.
Having one "special needs" child (Jacob has epilepsy which has caused regression in many skill areas), I find myself worrying about the possibilities of baby #2 having "special needs". But then I think to myself, would my love for Jacob change in any way if he weren't diagnosed? He's still the bundle of a miracle that I gave birth to. We each have our own health conditions, and it's our thoughts and actions which will determine how successfully we meet those challenges. These are things that Jacob and I can share as we continue our journey towards wellness together.
I think I'm just feeling hormonal today and my brain won't quit asking these questions.
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